Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of Sleep

BOSTON—Prompting exclamations of astonishment from colleagues and supervisors, local man Joshua Lingard reportedly appeared entirely unrecognizable Wednesday after enjoying a full eight hours of sleep. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even realize it was Josh without those dark bags under his eyes and his usual lifeless monotone,” said Lingard’s coworker Alison Conners, who gasped in surprise as she witnessed the utterly transformed 43-year-old enter their office after an unbroken night of rest, smile with genuine enthusiasm, and greet her with an uncharacteristic sense of mental clarity. “It’s not just that his skin isn’t all puffy and pale, either. There’s something about his personality—I think it’s that he isn’t constantly staring into the distance in a mixture of confusion and pain. Plus, he’s actually getting work done. At first I thought Josh had a more handsome brother whose brain functioned normally, but it’s actually him. Incredible.” Coworkers later expressed relief when Lingard drank caffeine after 2 p.m., ensuring he would return to his typical dysfunctional self the next day.